30 Nov 09

I don't like it.

but welcome to our H

................................... o

............................................m

..............................................e

Please stay for some tit-for-tat.

26 Nov 09

It is the season for gathering again

in the House, and indeed,

we make our way,

and we present our selves.

So take your seats,

ready your breakfast,

For today we dine in — new Jerusalem.

----

Incidentally, amongst the crumbs of grace we will receive,

do be wary and discerning of any

fitful excreta

that will possibly be dropped as

hackneyed revelations.

21 Nov 09

By the way, could you play? Just for today.

Since you’re here, then don’t peer. It’s not that queer.

Really, really. Refrain from uncertain parry.

Feigning ignorance and Masking competence,

Wield some willpower over those blacks,

String up some semblance of sensible whites.

White, Black, White, Black,

Black, Black, White, White, White, Black, White.

Oh! missed a spot, such deficient skill.

Ah! struck appalling notes, what horrific noise.

Best to get it right, since it’s an expectation of the highest standard.

AHA! Caught you.

You bulldozed. You bamboozled. You bluffed.

Awful: Cringe-inducing, that was.

Meagre: Fighting shadows but raising gallows.

Let the struggle endure, So internal strife will ensue, While doubt is ensured.

Under par, Below rank, Past the prime.

Beat the days, cull your daze. Jostle for a place?

So you’ve tried, to burn bright. Yet it’s all still contrived.

Surely, surely. Suppose that all is hazy.

Broken keys, A broken spirit.

13 Nov 09

With just one phrase,

A mistimed judgement,

an uncertain glance.

In just one moment,

that erroneous misconception,

and a self-induced folly.

Listen to that rain,

as fairies dance around in Elysium,

turn around to rue.

How foolish you are,

your pride isn't worth the hurt

you caused with your blundering ill temper.

31 Aug 09

Check your associations,

click click,

beep beep,

ring ring,

are you Ok?

Annie, are you ok?

Are you ok?

Or have you been heated up with smooth cream y'know?

Check your disassociations,

clip clip,

bleep bleep,

ra ra,

form equates not to substance.

1 Aug 09

Pick a coloured boat

and set it down afloat.

Place your hopes in it

allow it to go adrift.

Perhaps the current's flow

will bring it along so slow,

Plying the seas with bold courage

whilst the voices of others rage...

Predicate your dreams on the Wind that He brings,

now go on and yes, you'll brightly shine.

Pressed into streams of crucial yearnings,

next we'll glance, happily, that shoreline.

Dreams are meant to be sweet,

and I do want to taste those thousand pleasant sweets.

With you.

15 July 09

Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this

Well here we go now one more time...

So when will this end

It goes on and on and on

Over and over and over again...

Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop

Till I step down from this for good

Till you realise your actions and step down for good

Sick cycle carousel, this is a sick cycle

Yeah.

Sick cycle carousel, this is a sick cycle

Yeah.

Even carousels come to a stop.

Enough.

It is enough.

29 June 2009

Kosketa minua

Älä käsilläsi

Vaan niin että tunnen sinut

Halaa minua

Älä käsilläsi

Mutta sielussasi

There are moments when time stands still.

And for such moments, ils sont très délicat.

I'll hold them close. Because You first showed us what it means.

I'll hold you close.

16 June 09

you're a failure.

how disappointing.

29 May 2009

The broken alarm clock is a comfort.
Set to ring each morning, it decided to cease working.
Just as well, for sleep comes at the strangest of times.
Here, the moments are etched in instances of waiting,
waiting to fall, fall asleep,
away from the pendulum's swing.


How long has this storm been?
Overwhelmed by this ocean's formless tides,
their relentless waves have eroded boldness into diffidence.
None was brought out here to drown,
but on nights like this, there is an anvil that sinks down seven feet underground,
Making things go upside down.


That moonlight cast shadows in my mind.
A shadow play ensued with four-syllabic characters
named Dubiety, Uncertainty, Hesitancy
and in my mind, I sought and seek to look past them.
Because the moonlight reminds me of a secure expectancy,
I'll attempt to intone a cantabile melody in that second Adagio movement.


Where do I find myself again?
Because... because I am... scared.

Opus on an O Key

Open my eyes to the work of Your Hand.

Other things matter not when You speak.

Oceans will part at the whisper of Your call.

Of all that surrounds me, O God,

Only let Your will be done in my life.

umbrella

it's raining now, but i know it won't last long.
i really want you to
be shielded from the rain,
we'll wait
and the rain will stop.
i know that
it will stop.
and
yes.

i'll wait.

5 may

you know what?

We're so different. And it's painful to know it...

And i guess it's why i choose not to say it.








family? really?
.

26 april

The difference between thinking too much and contemplating appropriately is that the former will possibly make one turn queasy with irrational fear, while the latter seeks to build upon cogent agitation and propel one into decisively proper action.

I have chosen the latter as the choicer option. Do not be mistaken.




Please be careful, the water is not as safe as it seems, but, know what? We'll get across safely.

21 april

Head throbbing, Mind swirling

Getting warmer, too heavy, too heavy, arghh.

No, turning cold on the outside: I correct myself.

No wait, it's getting warmer AND colder,

both together, all at once, all suddenly.


Can we, please?
Head throbbing, blood is warming, in the head, in the head...
Can we, please?

Disapproval paints its way on one face,

and

Incapability shows on another face.


Thanks, once again, for showing that the values over here are to be:

Miserly,
Stingy,
Scrooge-like.

Thanks, for showing that being a penny-pincher is worth more than the

Well-being,
Health,
Protection,

...of a family member.

Whatever, Oh, just forget it. Move on.

Is that how it's supposed to be in a proper household of His?

Remind me once again, that when I'm older, I will never, never be like this.

kids on a bus

Young hearts still unsullied by the world, double was the fun and laughter shared between you both. Exchanging playful jibes and laughing at each one's antics, there was no need to worry about anything else.
School was out, snacks were in, and home was near. That salty whiff which accompanied your snacks that you both grabbed onto with your small hands... it was that odor of interruption that I had always found repellent.



But Anxiety was not in sight, not for you both. Little boys, with little cares. Perhaps, just that 25-word-list spelling homework, or the fear of losing the famous five book that you borrowed from him. And to have that packet of salted fowl slices was a scrumptious indulgence above all else.
And no one else seemed to be in that world. Just the 2 of you, your uninhibited selves at ease and at play, in laughter and in-sured by childhood's innocence. My sardonic predispositions slowly faded as I looked on at you both.



Fatigue screamed silently into my ears, but I could not fall asleep. With a mind that was in partial drowsy numbness, I mustered some spare fuel to observe you 2 at play. And there was no disappointment, for you 2 were affable and amusing.

Ah! He is looking at us! (yes, I am looking at you 2)
What shall we do? Hmm... Let's continue! We'll make him laugh. (oh, what are you 2 whispering about?)
Yes, he is still looking. He looks fierce. (you 2 are so secretive!)
Wait... I see him smiling at us. haha! (why are you 2 smiling at me?)




twenty and almost three revolutions around the sun later, life has not shown all that it holds for me. But yet, systematic cultures have imposed their tedious whir upon my viewpoints. And manifested in the form of panda under-eye patches, I found myself having lost most of my ingenuity.


The bus ride injected a dose of life into my wearied soul. For you 2 showed me what it was like to be a child again: uninhibited, unworried, unsullied / Laughter, Lightheartedness, LOLs.
No more salty stink, only amused attention.
And a reminiscence of my own childhood.

Thank you both for making me laugh like a child again.









And thank you for making me feel child-like again, and to know that it's ok to be silly. :)

Swing Mood Swing

I see that swing out in the open, beckoning me to jump on and dance away
I wanted to run out immediately, to hop on and play
There it was, veering back and forth, going on in sway.


Putting my hand on the glass, I looked on from the window's trace
of my heart and of my soul, that window was glazed
shut and fastened, such that I had to stay in my place.


and you were adamant in your headstrong myopia
while you were that ill-informed milquetoast
and your voices saying "No"
but only because the interest possessed was Nil.


What a disappointment
How do we carry on, when our expectations are so disparate
when our cares are so divergent
and our wishes are poles apart.


What a disappointment
It's not that I don't see the storm, but that you don't see the joy
in praising and serving in the storm.
And lost in your sedated TV world, you barely stop to listen.


So I stay on and look,
just for now,
and one day when the skies are smiling
I will go out and play on that swing.

---

What a disappointment
and that is why we have so little in common, you know?
and why sometimes, I really can't wait to step outside on my own.

Haiku

Buying time this Spring,

16-dollars flies from me,

Cut to the chase yes.

4 April 2009

Were you there when they crucified my Lord?

Sometimes, it causes me to tremble,

tremble, 

tremble...

Were you there when they laid Him in the tomb?

i ... Tremble for my Beloved.

in your steps

Retracing the steps that You trod, I was drawn nigh to Gethsemane.

It was there that,

Despite knowing well ahead that I would fall behind and lapse into regression,

You still asked me to come along,

into the secret place,

into that Beautiful Garden.

It was a place where You spoke to Him,

and where You called me to speak to Him.

But I was lost in my sinful stupor,

unwilling to break out of that lulling cycle.

Yet You prodded me, not once but thrice.

But still, I drifted away,

further from Your pleading eyes.

......Gethsemane, how could I forget...

the place where You prayed,

a place where You exhibited a full reliance,

not on Yourself, but in total entrustment to Him.

......Gethsemane, why should I neglect...

the call to a real faith,

a call to all the faithful,

not without substance, but in full experiential belief of His suffering.

---

As I drew closer to Your Gethsemane,

I pondered and my heart stopped dead,

for a moment or two,

I was lost in Your comforting grace,

And as I asked myself,

"Even when I've forsaken You already, why do You still want me?"

You stood still in the silence and held on to my hand.

At Your Gethsemane,

my hands could not proceed,

No, they would not advance on the keys.

It was too painful, not on myself, but on You.

For I had pricked the fingers of Your hand,

I had pierced Your heart with my defiance.

Still, still, Your Hand was there, and You told me to go ahead,

and in redemptive motion, You guided my hands

to play for You,

only for You.

simpleminded

Seriously, what's wrong with you? 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

sometimes I don't understand why I'm still bothered by such things

yet I am unable to express how I feel,

and behave like a petty puppy.

It's nothing to do with you, but I'm sorry

for the way how things sometimes turn out.

Between certainty & nervousness, at times I still fail to distinguish

so I guess maybe some things are best left to my self.

For these silly mistakes that I might make, please leave me these Empty Spaces.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

what a daft imbecile, what a  dumdum. 

Just don't be an idiot and don't speak ok? 

What a letdown, you vapid birdbrain, 

but whatever... just slap yourself ok. 

Cos it really doesn't matter, you dummy.

essentials

In so many things, this is true.

With regards the matters of God, even more so. 

and some things must be treasured, because they matter so much.

weariness

I don't know why, but I'm feeling tired.

I don't want to think about it, or anything 

else.

Not for now.

question marks

There's so much to say, isn't it? 

But then again, to begin with, how should it be said, right?

There's so much to say, right?

But then again, to say it or not, that's the dilemma, isn't it?

There're things that have to be disclosed, right?

Yet, when's the best time to say it, we never know, yea?

There're things that have to be revealed, yea?

Yet, why should it be coerced, since no one likes that, right?

 

No.1 in G minor, Op.23

Some people were born to sit by a river,

Some get struck by lightning.

Some have an ear for music.

Some are artists.

Some swim.

Some know buttons.

Some know Shakespeare.

Some are mothers.

And some people - dance.
.
.
.

Some days surprises come by when you least expect them,
and

The shades of black gradually flourish into the gradient hues of the rainbow.


Some times when i see that winsome smile,
then
The pains of life on earth chill off and troubles become like iced-lemon tea.

Some moments everything else around phases out,
when
Those inchoate uncertainties are quelled by that delightful sangfroid.

.
.
.
And some people - make me smile
...delicate hands for intricate music :)

Red. Amber. Green

---

When all 3 lights appear, it can't be helped
that people get a little confused.
What do you do?
Perhaps, slow down, and hasten not
till you are told that
it's all-clear.
Don't drive so fast and toy with life,
Approach with circumspection and proceed with care.
For there are things which are fragile and they
require complete care.

---

Discrete Blooms

Enveloped in a mesh of green,

The flowers put forth their pleasant bloom.

Such lovely equanimity they sustain,

as they revel in their quiet refrain.

Yet somehow it's hard to see,

when they're covered in that sea

of seeming sameness,

and left to be as homogenous. 

Commercialization today tells you that you are unique,

but everyone else has already believed that line

and gone out to buy that same convenient treat,

thus we realize that we've merely fallen in line.

But No, 

we won't believe what the world tells us.

In Stead, 

we'll heed what He reveals to us.

We'll go back again,

with an attempt to see the flowers

as individual strains,

still lovely even through the hours.

And verily, attaching meaning to that one,

a distinction thus appears.

Regardless of whatever you've done,

Grace calls out to draw you near.

Much as how our tears come undone,

and yet He conceals all our fears.

Bottling them up,

Within His heart,

We are the ones whom He holds dear.

With unspoken signification appended,

nothing else needs to be added.

If you can see the variance,

then the flowers have sounded their significance.

---

It's still difficult at this moment, and things are still crazy sometimes. But nvm, we'll learn through our steps, as long as we put God first. 

Somedays, the sameness really gets to me, and it's unbearable. But I won't try to curtail my expressivity, because it'll be unnatural, and you know i'd hate that.  

...you are not the same, cos when i see you, i see a unique cherry-blossom...

White Lines & Uncertainty

---

I like walking along the 

white lines in the middle of the road.

They help me to maintain

a certain sense of composure when I need it.

The white lines say that I should continue walking Straight,

For they will lead me on in all sureness.

And I know that if I keep walking Straight,

the path would ultimately bring me

to You.

---

Some times, I do feel unsure about things.

I hope I'm allowed some space to feel this way, but only for now... 

Cos... it really matters a lot to me. 

I thought it would be difficult to really feel again, but then you've made it easy to be me. 

So if I'm insecure again, I'll try not to be so, and instead, think of your winsomeness. 

your 2nd symphony

the first signs appeared and you began to sense it,

that gradual increase of a discordance.

why... why now...? For quite naturally, it was uncalled for, unwanted.

but then,

that unhappy surprise still decided to make itself known.

and you had no choice, but to accept it.

Not that it was the preferred option, yet you faced it, (as you always did before.)

Not wanting to reveal too much, you knew how to conceal it,

behind your wonderful music, behind your brave front.

And you carried on with life, for the sake of your art,

for your name is synonymous with music, (in your name I see artistic musicality)

and without fail you never fail to inspire with your compositions.

With this symphony, you made sure that no one knew 

of the anguish 

that tormented you. 

No one could have guessed because of your cheery, celebratory D key.

Then you carried on with your Scherzo, 

joking about, as it means in Italian. 

And maintaining your bright spirits, your exuberant fourth movement

shows who you've always been.

Bravo! 

Sunshine and zephyrs, 

they scatter and glide,

Perhaps an indication of your hope despite the growing impairment. 

----------

Hope,

is only hopeful when we place it in God's Hands.

Come what may, how the unwanted surprises push us into a corner,

we stand firm, knowing that He will bring the sunshine into our souls

(inspired by Beethoven's 2nd Symphony)

You didn't say it, but i could tell, and i know it hurts so very badly, that you just want to go off somewhere else on your own.

but, please, hang on... you've been through so much, it means so much to you and really, i know it. 

Whether it is a test of the friendship, only God has the answers, but I believe He won't let His little ones fall to the ground just like that.

You're not alone in this, you don't have to endure it yourself.  We'll jump on that swing and throw the troubles to God, and be like Bee when he did his 2nd.

Matt 7: 1-5

relax, and breathe, cos you're not that different from everyone else.

over the rainbow

.

A life lived in fear, is a life half lived.

..

but, Somewhere, over the rainbow,

...

Once in a lullaby, we dream and we try,

....

just like the happy bluebirds fly,

.....

and, when troubles melt like lemon drops,

......

then, we know that with You, dreams really do come true.

.